Betrayal of the Magdalene: Subjugation of the Feminine and the Extinction of a Species

Originally, this piece was destined to be a book review and was finished and ready to go long before now. However, I have since realized that it has turned into an Op-Ed or ‘opinion’ piece rather than the former. (Of course, many would argue that all my book reviews should be placed in the Op-Ed category!) Further, because of its nature – its possible (probable?) controversiality, I’ve hesitated to publish it. My intention is certainly not to offend anyone, regardless of their gender. And being a transformational astrologer as well as a relationship counselor with the responsibility that that entails, again, I have hesitated for those reasons alone.

However, after re-reading it for the umpteenth time, editing, proofing and replacing possibly offensive words or phrases with something a bit softer yet just as expressive, I realized that there probably wasn’t much else I could do with it. It was either leave it the way it is and send it out, or just let it sit on my computer because I didn’t want to create any more dissention than is already so prevalent in the world.

Yet, when I realized this, I also realized that this is exactly why these thoughts – which, admittedly, have been ‘thunk’ on the shoulders of others far greater than I – MUST be conveyed. For change to occur, it is up to those of us who are either brave enough or stupid enough (depending on how one looks at it) to take a stand, make a move, take that one small step that leads to the ‘change we wish to see in the world.’

My thoughts, my beliefs may be ridiculed and rejected by many who are not yet ready or willing to make this change. Yet, for many more of us that change is far past due.

Please understand that my intention with the (still) harsh words uttered below, is to relate what I and many others have gleaned from history and still see happening in the world and between the genders that has caused so much of the previously mentioned dissention.

Like many of you, I want Peace, Compassion and Love to prevail. In my mind, the best way to do that is to begin at what I believe is the root cause of the problem: the interaction between the genders.

So please bear with me. The ride may be a bit bumpy, but I assure you, there is a method to my madness. I wish all of you – even the males in my audience – only the best.

In A Different Voice
Psychological Theory and Women’s Development
Copyright © 1982 Carol Gilligan
Harvard University Press; Cambridge, Massachusetts/London, England
ISBN: 0-674-44543-0; ISBN: 0-674-44544-9

Jacket Blurb:

Carol Gilligan believes that psychology has persistently and systematically misunderstood women -- their motives, their moral commitments, the course of their psychological growth, and their special view of what is important in life. Repeatedly, developmental theories have been built on observations of men's lives. Here Gilligan attempts to correct psychology's misperceptions and refocus its view of female personality. The result reshapes our understanding of human experience.


Kat’s Book Nook Review

There are very few books that have caused a radical shift in my perspective. This one blew everything I believed about interactions between males and females completely off the planet.

I must preface this essay with the following: I am not a feminist. Nor do I dislike men. Actually, quite the opposite. I believe in love and equality for both genders and for ALL species. I also believe that in order for our society to survive it is necessary for males and females to understand and get along with each other. However, in order to do so, a balanced and respectful approach on both sides is required; not only with regard to relationships in general, but especially where intimate relationships between the genders is concerned.

* * * * *

Women’s development plays a crucial role in relationships of all types. For the most part, however, women are the only ones who seem to acknowledge this fact.

Freud, misogynist that he was, saw women as frequently irrational, often psychologically abnormal and unbalanced, always emotional, and a creature far less than human with a gargantuan case of penis envy. Alas, we had no redeeming qualities, as far as Freud was concerned.

Unfortunately, this view of women has changed little, even 25 years after the release of Carol Gilligan’s book.

Because I’ve had such an extraordinarily difficult time letting go of guilt I’ve carried for most of my life over some pretty serious issues, my therapist felt that Gilligan’s book might help shed light on not only my role in those events, but on what is truly behind the guilt which I’ve carried for so long.

After reading the book, what I have concluded is that my reasons for continuing to feel guilty over these issues were created by a paradigm that is, in actuality, no longer functional in today’s society, if it ever truly was.

Instead of being taught that what is needed is balance in determining what is best for others and for ourselves, women have been taught that if we aren’t selfless and don’t sacrifice our own wants, needs and desires for others, then we’re selfish, immoral and bad. Conversely, if we do, we find ourselves in the same dilemma in which I found myself – damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

Ultimately, this mindset has benefited no one. In fact, if anything, it has created a world full of angry and guilt-ridden individuals of both genders, who ultimately lash out at each other because of the nonsensical restrictions imposed on women by a patriarchal society.

Each of us – female and male – is certainly obligated to observe moral strictures in relation to obvious issues such as physically harming another. But where is the line to be drawn in relation to what should be a societal norm and who should abide by those norms?

While the main theme of the book is, as the blurb states: “to correct psychology's misperceptions and refocus its view of female personality”, in my view it raises two additional issues. First, who originally determined what is considered ‘right’ or moral versus what is unacceptable? And, second, are we yet obligated to follow the dictums laid out for us by our fathers, husbands and brothers simply because they say that their way is the better or only way?

Are we not yet cognizant of just where these dictums have led us as a society?

The answer to this question, I believe, can be found in humanity’s distant past. Strangely, it seems that it was only after the globally documented deluge that the reptilian brain – which rules aggressiveness in humans – began exerting its influence on society, especially testosterone-driven males.

Ironically, what we are finding through the negative exposition of our academically force-fed human history, is that during the pre-deluvial period when societies were governed according to the feminine principals of love, compassion and respect of and for others, males and females lived together in far greater harmony than they have since the inception of our current patriarchically-based society.

Many may say that the God of the Judeo-Christian Bible is the one who decreed that women should be subservient and submissive to men. And they may very well be correct. However, the bloodthirsty, vengeful, hypocritical and do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do attitude which is predominant throughout what is commonly referred to as the Old Testament, has created followers who are full of fear and prejudice and who have been taught to believe that anyone who doesn’t do things their way is sinful and should be put to death. Further, this ‘God’ was a mere glint in the eye of history until a Chaldean named Abram (the Biblical Abraham) chose to build an empire based on his own male-oriented beliefs, effectively debasing females and creating rigid and emotionally scarred perceptions of both genders.

One would think that with the ‘introduction’ of the discipline of love and compassion advocated by Jesus of Nazareth some two thousand years ago, the followers of this comparatively neophyte belief system would have understood that the love and respect which they were being instructed to bestow on others was meant to include women as well.

Sadly, although Jesus’ mother was revered (in imitation of so many other ‘virgin’ mother and child salvation stories before it), his wife, Mary Magdalene -- a powerful teacher and force in her own right -- was discredited and stripped of her authority in the very belief system that should have and would have strengthened the bond between the genders, had Jesus' teachings been followed. Yet, as most of us are aware, the feminine influence and principles which permeated so much of what Jesus taught, were significantly downplayed and in many cases, done away with altogether in favor of much less balanced edicts. This, in turn, has contributed to the gradual degradation of societal mores and, thus, the erosion of the positive relationship between the genders, and by association, our whole species.

Considering the heinous atrocities that have been perpetuated in the name of this and other male dominated religions, it is painfully evident that we need to rethink not only our view of the roles of both women and men, but humanity as a whole.

For the last several thousand years, society has been governed by this patriarchal form of thinking which has relegated women to the lowest echelons of the hierarchy established by males. And yet, while the male element sought to gain power over women, it inadvertently compromised the structure and balance of the very nature of the inter-relatedness which should be the foundation of the society in which we live.

Due to this polarized ostracism, society has covertly – and oftentimes overtly – perpetuated the belief that women are not as intelligent as men, that they lack logic, and therefore what they say is not worthy of consideration.

Consequently women have been inculcated with the belief that their identity is somehow less important than a man’s, and that what little identity they do have, is tied in with their relationship to their father, husband, brother, clergyman and/or male employer. In other words, historically, women have lacked a personal identity.

Gilligan points out that women generally think in terms of relationships with and attachment to others. Whereas men typically think in terms of separation and relationships with themselves; very rarely do they see their world and their lives revolving around their relationships with the woman or women in their lives.

Therefore, while women strive for connection with men, men have simultaneously striven to withdraw into themselves, effectively closing themselves off from this connection, conveying their displeasure should we attempt to compromise this breach in any way.

No wonder there has been so much disparity between the genders: each of us has been sending and receiving mixed messages! While women have been taught to be selfless and sacrifice themselves for ‘their man,’ thus negating the nourishing of their own spirits, men have, in most cases been thinking more of their own needs and attempting to sew every last wild oat they possibly can while expecting their women to remain at home, barefoot, pregnant and ignorant.

Because of this lopsided paradigm, the morals which have been branded into the hearts and minds of young girls seem to be missing in the education of young boys. This double standard is no where more evident than in adolescence, when teenage girls are often threatened with extreme punitive measures should they become pregnant. While a boy who impregnates that same girl is typically allowed to go his way with a slap on the wrist and a slight snicker that, “boys will be boys.”

It’s these conflicting messages that cause women to feel abandoned by the very men who claim to love them, and ultimately, to develop the emotional issues with which Freud and others have ‘diagnosed’ women.

And, as Gilligan further states: “the opposition between selfishness and responsibility complicates for women the issue of choice, leaving them suspended between an ideal of selflessness and the truth of their own agency and needs.” Is it really any wonder that this is the case, in view of the ambiguity of the messages women have historically received from the male half of society?

In spite of this, it is not only women who suffer for this perpetuated ignorance; all of society – including our male children – suffer along with us. Studies have shown that young boys who have been raised in negatively female-influenced environments generally become insecure, reactionary – often violent – adult males who pass their own behaviors and beliefs about ‘a woman’s place’ down to their children.

Does this mean that women are without blame? Certainly not. We, too, must accept responsibility for our part in the continuation of this unhealthy and often fatal belief that women are not as ‘good’ as men.

Why? Because, it is disrespectful beliefs such as this which contribute to the erosion of the foundation that underpins the fabric of society; an erosion that is not only already well underway, but unraveling further with each passing day.

To accomplish this feat, it is this writer’s belief that men and women must sincerely make a balanced effort to understand, communicate with and develop respect for each other in order for our society to continue as a viable entity.

In my estimation, it is only by doing so that we – as a species – will learn to be compassionate of and for all others, which in turn will allow us to love unconditionally. Unconditional Love is the precursor to Peace.

And Peace is what ALL species on this planet desperately need in order to survive.


Namaste and Much Love,

Kat Starwolf

© 2007 Kat Starwolf All Rights Reserved

Kat Starwolf is a practicing relationship and empathic counseling astrologer, researcher, metaphysician and avid reader of anything pertaining to human inter-relatedness, emotions, sexuality, sociology and psychology and SuperString and M-Theory. She is also currently working on her degree in counseling psychology. She may be contacted at 400 Capital Circle SE, Suite 18-255, Tallahassee, Florida 32301, by phone at 850-980-0250 or via her website http://www.starwolfastrology.com .

Signs of Mental Ilness: An Astrological and Psychiatric Breakthrough

Signs of Mental Health
An Astrological and Psychiatric Breakthrough
© 1998 Mitchell E. Gibson, M. D.
Llewellyn Publications; St. Paul, MN
ISBN: 1-56718-362-6

Jacket Blurb:

The Next Revolution in Astrology

Introducing a provocative breakthrough in the sciences of astrology and psychiatry

Psychiatrist Mitchell E. Gibson, M.D., demonstrates new astrological techniques for predicting mental illness, based on his study of more than 400 astrological birth charts and the use of scientific research models.

The average person’s birth chart, for example, contains about three marker aspects for depression. The birth chart of someone with major depression contains an average of 10. Princess Diana had 10 marker aspects in her chart.

Other famous cases highlighted in this book include Mike Wallace, Howard Hughes, Adolph Hitler, Charles Dickens and Edgar Allen Poe.

All the patients depicted in Dr. Gibson’s study were diagnosed according to DSM-IV, the gold standard of psychiatric diagnostic criteria. The diagnostic groups represented include (1) major depression, (2) anxiety, (3) addictive disorder, (4) schizophrenia, and (5) attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

Even with no previous astrological experience, you will learn how to spot the indicators for mental illness though [sic] the declinations and multiple planet aspects that form the basis of this pioneering work.

====================================================================

Kat’s Book Nook Reviews

Wow. I was really psyched (no pun intended) when I first read the jacket blurb for Signs of Mental Health on Amazon and couldn’t wait to read the book. I’m an empathic transformational relationship astrologer working towards my PsyD in counseling psychology and have been focusing mainly on astro-psychology or astrology with a psychological bent; therefore, I believed this book would be just the ticket.

Boy, was I wrong! What can I say about this book? It was virtually incomprehensible.

There was very little organization or coherency that was immediately discernable. Further, instead of presenting the material in a more generic way so that it could be applied to anyone, the author uses anonymous case studies. Case studies are fine as additional examples. However, I don’t necessarily need to know what the markers were for each individual case study. In fact, in the long run, case studies are virtually useless when attempting to understand markers for a wide spectrum of the population. I want to know what the overall markers are for ANY client. Give me a table that shows the specific markers and longitudinal and declinational aspects between signs and I will be quite happy, thank you very much!

Further, I’m quite familiar with the MAGI Society, to which he refers. I have all of their books as well as their ephemeris. And while I believe that they, too, could do with a bit more organization of subject matter (excuse me; I suppose that’s my Mercury in Virgo speaking there), at least their definitions were comprehensible and their tables and generically applied criterion helped tremendously.

Case in point re: the good doctor’s definition of ‘elevation’ on page 29 (this is not a MAGI Society term, to my knowledge): “Specific aspects and/or declinational positions that affect the basic expression of a planet’s energies. Elevations may be positive or negative, depending on the planet’s position and/or the planet(s) it interacts with [sic].” Since ‘elevation’ seems to be Dr. Gibson’s basal terminology utilized in the various astrological declinational descriptors, one would think that he would have spent just a bit more time explaining exactly what his idea of ‘elevation’ actually is.

To what does ‘elevation’ refer? Is it a location? I get that they can be both positive and negative, and that ‘they affect the basic expression of a planet’s energies,’ but somehow, ‘specific aspect’ doesn’t quite clarify things enough. Looking at his version of the declinational chart, I thought, “Ok, well… maybe the ‘elevation’ is referring to the planets as they appear above or north of the ecliptic.” But then later, on page 61 he refers to a Grand Elevation of Mars which appears at -20 BELOW or south of the ecliptic. So now I’m back at square one and still stumped. What does he mean by ‘elevation’? Could it be that anything below the ecliptic and farther away from the base line is considered (by Dr. Gibson) to be elevated? Probably. But he doesn’t elucidate this fact, if that is, indeed, the case.

I realize that everyone processes information in different ways. And I also understand that – according to Dr. Gibson, himself – he’s a genius (he was/is a member of MENSA). Therefore, he probably thinks far above the average individual. But, let’s be honest here: it’s not that difficult to write in such a way that the material is understandable and coherent (I’ve recently had to be reminded of that myself).

What does this have to do with my review of this book? I am more than capable of understanding extremely technical information. But the information presented here is far from organized or useful.

I’m not sure to what the other readers who thought he was brilliant were referring. Maybe they know him personally and he’s informed them of something he’s not sharing with the rest of us. However, after reading all of the reviews for this book on Amazon.com, I'd have to say that the only individuals who gave him anything other than 1 star were obviously those who have little true knowledge of astrology. Most everyone else with even an average amount of astrological knowledge found this book just as difficult to understand as I did.

Regardless, in my opinion Dr. Gibson is little better than the scientists and academicians who proclaim astrology to be a pseudo-science without accurately and thoroughly studying, testing and making an attempt to understand it. He’s taken a complex subject and rendered it even more incomprehensible (if that’s possible), by over-analyzing some aspects and under-explaining others.

Being an astrologer-cum-psychologist, I’d have to say that this book is anything but a breakthrough into either astrology or psychiatry.

Copyright © 2007 Kat Starwolf All Rights Reserved

Parallel Worlds

Parallel Worlds
A Journey Through Creation, Higher Dimensions,
and the Future of the Cosmos
Copyright © 2005 Michio Kaku
Anchor Books/Random House; New York,New York
ISBN 10: 1-4000-3372-1; ISBN 13: 978-1-4000-3372-0

Go to Amazon.com

Jacket Blurb:

In this thrilling journey into the mysteries of our cosmos, bestselling author Michio Kaku takes us on a dizzying ride to explore black holes and time machines, multidimensional space and, most tantalizingly of all, the possibility that parallel universes may lie alongside our own.

Kaku skillfully guides us through the latest innovations in string theory and its most recent iteration, M-theory, which posits that our universe may be just one in an endless multiverse, a singular bubble floating in a sea of infinite bubble universes. If M-theory is proven correct, we may perhaps finally find an answer to the question: “What happened before the big bang?” This is an exciting and unforgettable introduction to the cutting-edge theories of physics and cosmology from one of the pre-eminent voices in the field.

Kat’s Book Nook Review

Although physics can be one of the most daunting of the scientific disciplines to comprehend, Kaku does an excellent job of bringing its mind-boggling mathematical jargon down to a level easily understandable by the non-physicist, while adhering to the integrity of the science, itself.

And while E=mc² made a name for Einstein and gave physics and the world in general both the General and Special Theories of Relativity, is it possible that we may now be able to say, “Move over Einstein, here comes the M-theory” ?

As, theoretical physicist Dr. Kaku – who is a professor at the City University of New York – states, and as every good physicist (and many non-physicists) knows, even Einstein was not totally satisfied with his General and Special Theories of Relativity, and thus strove to develop a ‘Theory of Everything.’ This theory would, in effect, be capable of making possible such nebulous and seemingly inexplicable concepts as multiple dimensions and universes, worm holes, time travel, teleportation, invisibility and other mysterious cosmological anomalies.

Then, in 1968, the first phase of the String Theory was born, later to be followed by the Super String and M-theories. Yet, even these efforts to discover a ‘theory of everything,’ were not the first attempts to do so. Surprisingly, even the Pythagorean mathematicians of the 5^th Century BC (who gave us a² + b² = c²) may have been the first to discover that, at some level, strings play an important role in the composition of matter, which Pythagoras demonstrated with his ‘vibrating string’ theory, utilizing a stringed musical instrument.

Being the theoretical physicist that he is, Kaku asks the question: if our Universe suddenly became unstable and was on the verge of destruction, and if it were determined that there were, indeed, multiple dimensions that exist parallel to our own dimension, would it be possible for a Type III or IV civilization (civilizations which are so much more advanced than we, that we would be the equivalent of the proverbial twinkle in our human daddy’s eye compared to God) to conceive of a way to move entire worlds from this Universe into a parallel Universe before its destruction in order to preserve life?

At this point I wondered: even if that were possible, given the nature of creative and destructive energy in the Universe, as well as the supposed nature of black holes (through which Kaku theorizes our hypothetical civilization would travel to reach the aforementioned parallel dimension), what would prevent those same destructive forces from entering the event horizon of the black hole along with the Type III/IV Civilization?

Interesting conjectures follow in Kaku’s inimitable style, but fortunately that’s not something we – as a less than Type I Civilization (0.7 H, to be exact) need to be concerned about for possibly another trillion or so years.

Although I wasn’t initially seeking to comprehend the nature of the Universe (even if only theoretically), when I first read the sub-title I experienced that rush of excitement which indicated that possible proof for the existence of alternate dimensions might be found within its covers.

What I found, however, was not only evidence for parallel dimensions to and in which, I believe, our Souls exist in between physical 3-dimensional lifetimes, but a statement that seemed, to me, to prove that the Law of Attraction does work in the way in which we have been led to believe. On page 328 Kaku states:

“…concentrated energy in empty space can transform virtual particles into real ones.”

If this is, indeed, true, then the statement that ‘thoughts become things,’ on which the Law of Attraction is predicated, must also be a fact; even down here on Earth.

Further, Kaku, in postulating a theory in regard to how carbon-based life forms might survive the journey from our dying universe to a parallel universe, and in reference to the comment made by physicist, Stephen Hawking, that ‘It seems…that quantum theory allows time travel on a microscopic level,” said on page 339:

“…members of an advanced civilization could decide to alter their physical being into something that would survive the arduous journey back in time to another universe, merging carbon with silicon and reducing their consciousness down to pure information.”

Is this not what we do each time we reincarnate and disincarnate?

Although I do not have conclusive proof that this is the case, I believe that our Souls are light, a form of energy. Therefore when we – in the form of our Soul – leave this dimension, I further believe that our energy is condensed into the substance above referenced by Kaku: pure information. We continue to retain our memories and personality, while discarding our Third Dimensional bodies in favor of higher dimensional bodies which can more easily inhabit those same higher dimensions.

Conversely, if this is possible, is it not also possible that those Souls who have departed this dimension – as well as other entities – might also be able to communicate with us here in the Third Dimension?

Of course, currently, the majority of what Kaku and others postulate in this area is still theory, hence the derivation of the name of the discipline (theoretical physics).

Nevertheless, as ongoing particle accelerator experiments in Switzerland, California and – as of this writing -- possibly elsewhere, indicate, if what scientists are seeing is accurate, we may exist in not only one Universe out of many, but there may well be far more than the four dimensions with which we are currently familiar.

If that is true – and as crazy as this may sound to those of you who utilize mainly left brain functions – is it not possible that ghosts/spirits, some UFOs and other extra-dimensional entities may be a reality after all?

Namaste,

Kat Starwolf

For more information on the String Theory, the Super String theory, and the M-theory, see this excellent Encyclopedia Britannica article written by physicist and PBS NOVA narrator and author of The Elegant Universe, Brian R. Greene,

Article: http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-9070406/string-theory

PBS: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/elegant/

Brian R. Greene BIO: http://www.nndb.com/people/282/000044150/

Upcoming Kat’s Book Nook Reviews include: The Elegant Universe, Superstrings, Hidden Dimensions, and the Quest for the Ultimate Theory by Brian R. Green and The Cosmic Serpent, DNA and the Origins of Knowledge by Jeremy Narby.

© 2007 Kat Starwolf All Rights Reserved

Kat Starwolf is a practicing relationship and empathic counseling astrologer, researcher, metaphysician and avid reader of anything pertaining to human inter-relatedness, emotions, sexuality, sociology and psychology and of course, SuperString and M-Theory. She is also currently working on her degree in counseling psychology. She may be contacted at 400 Capital Circle SE, Suite 18-255, Tallahassee, Florida 32301, by phone at 850-980-0250 or via her website http://www.starwolfastrology.com.

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

Emotional Intelligence
Why it Can Matter More Than IQ
Copyright © 1995 Daniel Goleman
Bantam Books; New York,New York
ISBN 0-553-37506-7

Jacket Blurb:

Is IQ destiny? Not nearly as much as we think. Daniel Goleman’s fascinating and persuasive book argues that our view of human intelligence is far too narrow, ignoring a crucial range of abilities that matter immensely in terms of how we do in life.

Drawing on groundbreaking brain and behavioral research, Goleman shows the factors at work when people of high IQ flounder and those of modest IQ do surprisingly well. These factors, which include self-awareness, self-discipline and empathy, add up to a different way of being smart – one he terms “emotional intelligence.” While childhood is a critical time for its development, emotional intelligence is not fixed at birth. It can be nurtured and strengthened throughout adulthood – with immediate benefits to our health, our relationships, and our work.

This eye-opening book offers a new vision of excellence and vital new curriculum for life that can change the future for us and for our children.

===============================================

Kat’s Book Nook Review

I first picked up this twelve year old classic with the intention of learning something useful I could share with my clients. However, I doubted that I could actually learn anything I hadn’t already learned.

I was wrong.

Not only did I learn about how to be more emotionally intelligent myself, but I also learned that – had I known about the book back in 1995 when it was first published – I could have been saved the recurring emotional pain that I have continued to experience in my own personal life because of extreme trauma that occurred when I was a young teenager back in the late-60s/mid-70s.

Isn’t that why so many therapists become therapists? To help others through and out of the same kind of emotional pain they, themselves have endured?

Being an astrologer as well, I wondered if some of us aren’t predisposed to experiencing emotionally debilitating events which result in post traumatic stress disorder. I also wondered if a person’s astrological sign, or more precisely, the element (i.e. fire, earth, air and water) in which our natal birth planets are located, might not have something to do with one’s tendency to not only be emotional in the first place, but to ruminate.

In astrology, water is equated with emotion, fire with passion, air with stoicism or the lack of emotion, and earth with dullness and bluntness. I am a fire sign with six planets and my ascendant or Rising Sign in a fire element, and five of those same planets plus an additional planet (which is in Cancer and ruled by the Moon which symbolizes our deepest emotions) in a water house. Consequently, I tend to be passionate and emotional. I am also extremely empathic: I feel what others feel to an extreme degree. And, yes, I speak in extremes, because that is what the fire and water signs do. And I am both.

Therefore, I was looking for something that would help me to be less emotional.

Additionally, my initial motivation was to assist others to be emotionally stable in their relationships. However, as I continued to read, I realized that emotions are rarely isolated or static occurrences. They don’t exist in a vacuum, in other words. Generally, there is a reason we become emotional, even if often (for those of us who have PTSD) that emotion is triggered by an event or by something someone in our current life does, and thus the emotion that stems from an event that occurred in the past, is projected onto a virtually innocent individual in our present.

Consequently, I realized also that before I could figure out how to solve my emotional ‘problem,’ I needed to get to the root or cause of it.

So what, you might wonder, does emotional intelligence have to do with relationships? Everything. The way in which we relate to each other determines the success – or lack thereof – of any relationship.

Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way. My second husband was a wonderful man who had no idea what he was getting into when he married me. And I – unsuspecting as I was – had no idea how insidious the effects of the trauma I had previously experienced, were, and how deeply they would affect my husband, myself, and our marriage. In fact, because I hadn’t received the help that I should have received when I was a teenager, by the time I married my second husband in my late teens, even though I was numb most of the time (from shock), my emotions were nearly out of control to the point that I ended up divorcing him by my mid twenties because I feared that I might harm him.

This, of course, is an extreme case. But then, I was so full of emotion that it’s not surprising that I went overboard. Had I received the help I needed as soon as the traumas occurred, I would have been able to work through the resulting emotions without projecting and inflicting that pain onto my husband.

In the chapter entitled, Trauma and Emotional Relearning, Goleman says that, “As patients retell the horrific details of the trauma, the memory starts to be transformed, both in the emotional meaning and in its effects on the emotional brain.”

Somehow, I instinctively knew that. I tried to talk to anyone and everyone I could. Sadly, no one would listen. Not even the police. And I didn’t have a therapist at the time. My husband, bless his heart, wasn’t able to handle my attempted confessions; he just didn’t know what to do for me. Plus, being an air sign, he tended to run at the first sign of emotion.

Additionally, Goleman states that “patients need to mourn the loss the trauma brought – whether an injury, the death of a loved one or a rupture in a relationship, regret over some step not taken to save someone, or just the shattering of confidence that people can be trusted. The mourning that ensues while retelling such painful events serves a crucial purpose: it marks the ability to let go of the trauma itself to some degree. It means that instead of being perpetually captured by this moment in the past [which PTSD patients are prone to do], patients can start to look ahead, even to hope, and to rebuild a new life free of the trauma’s grip.”

It’s been forty years, exactly, since the first traumatic event occurred. But thanks to the therapy I finally received that helped me to put those events in the past where they belong and leave them there, I’m finally able to say that I have reached that level of emotional intelligence for which I had been striving.

Many thanks to Dan Goleman for his excellent work.

Namaste,

Kat Starwolf

Radical Forgiveness: Making Room for the Miracle

© 2002 Colin C. Tipping
Global Thirteen Publications; Marietta, Georgia, USA
ISBN 0-9704814-1-1

Jacket Blurb:

This book will more than likely change your life. It will transform how you view your past and what is occurring for you in the present, especially where relationships are concerned. Unlike other forms of forgiveness, Radical Forgiveness is easily achieved and virtually immediate, enabling you to let go of being a victim, open your heart and raise your vibration. The simple, easy-tools provided help you let go of the emotional baggage of the past and to feel the joy of living in total surrender to the process of life as it unfolds – however it unfolds. The result is vastly increased happiness, personal power and freedom.

Kat’s Book Nook Review

Each of us, whether we wish to admit it or not, has emotional baggage. Even the most cerebral, in-his-head, die-hard Gemini who would rather do anything other than emote – especially about the past and those sticky issues known as feelings – has accumulated baggage that he has stuffed away in his mental and emotional attic. The problem is, we can stuff and bury and hide as much and as diligently as we’d like, but that baggage has a way of resurfacing when we least expect it. And often, when it does reappear, it brings with it lots of painful, festering memories, that unless we’re prepared to finally and fully confront, only get worse.

Short of spending ten years in therapy, what does one do to short circuit the process required to eradicate painful memories?

According to Colin Tipping, the quickest and easiest way is through Radical Forgiveness which “challenges us to radically shift our perception of the world and our interpretations of what happens to us in our lives so we can stop being a victim.”

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m all for that. Who wants to be a victim?

Due to the fact that I’ve continued to experience the residual fallout from several ancient, yet severe issues in my own life, I decided to utilize Mr. Tipping’s suggestions. What did I have to lose, except the painful baggage I’ve been carrying around with me for the past 40 or more years? (And boy, are MY arms tired!) Miraculously, his suggestions actually worked.

One of the things I’ve come to realize independent of Radical Forgiveness, is that our view or our perception of events colors them greatly. That is, an event may not have happened exactly as we remember it, nor have been as traumatic as we remember it. But because of our own filters, which include the experiences we’ve accrued that have shaped who we are, we each tend to perceive the same situation a bit differently.

Conversely, sometimes those same events are as traumatic as we remember them, and attempting to release the pain, anger and trauma that so often accompanies such memories can be quite difficult, at best, but oh-so-rewarding if it can be done.

The challenge is that, for someone who has, say, post traumatic stress disorder, letting go of the past can be extremely difficult. According to Tipping, “Forgiveness should be about letting go of the past, and refusing to be controlled by it.” Easier said than done, one would think. And for me, it has been.

Additionally, even within traditional religions, most of which teach some form of forgiveness, we’re not prepared to deal with the feelings that inundate us when attempting to forgive someone for something as heinous as child sexual abuse or murder.

The one possible ‘bone of contention’ in Tipping’s offerings is that he bases the concept of Radical Forgiveness on reincarnation. While I, personally, believe in reincarnation, not everyone does. However, at one point in my life I was a ‘devout’ Christian. Therefore, I was able to peruse Radical Forgiveness through the eyes of someone with Bible-based beliefs, as well. Unfortunately, I found it difficult to reconcile what I was learning from Tipping’s book, with what I had been taught as a Christian. However, once I shifted my perspective to a more Universal, if you will, perspective, I was finally able to grasp and apply his theory of Radical Forgiveness. And, for me, it worked.

From this more Universal perspective what I was able to see was that, as Tipping points out, there is nothing to forgive. Everything is as it was meant to be.

The concept for this is based on the ‘assumption’ that we, as Souls or spiritual beings, are having a human experience and have come to earth to learn over a period of numerous incarnations. Says Tipping, “…our Souls keep coming back time after time again with others from our soul group to resolve particular karmic imbalances.”

My own view, even previous to reading Radical Forgiveness, has been that we, as reincarnating Souls, write out the script we will use for each incarnation. As we’re composing our script in the In Between Time, we get together with those of our Soul Family whom we wish to assist us in our Journey, and request their assistance at certain points in our upcoming incarnation.

Seeing what happened to me from this perspective: that is, that those by whom I was harmed were merely following my own script so that I could learn whatever lesson I felt I needed to learn this time around, has helped tremendously. I no longer cast blame or feel anger. I’ve come to the realization that continuing to hold on to angry memories that do nothing more than cause pain and resentment and prevent me from accomplishing what I came here to do only holds me back from reaching my ultimate goal.

Along with loads of excellent advice, Tipping shows how to ‘collapse the story,’ or condense it, utilizing a worksheet that can be downloaded for free from the Radical Forgiveness website.

Yet, while I’ve been able to finally forgive those who harmed me when I was a child, it’s been a bit more difficult for me to forgive myself for things which I’ve done or said to harm someone else. Especially my 2^nd husband. But I’ve learned that this is all part of the ‘game’ of life which we, as Souls, play. And after all, we’re all ‘works in progress.’

Namaste,

Kat Starwolf

How to Mend Your Broken Heart: Overcome Emotional Pain at the End of a Relationship

© 2003 Paul McKenna, PhD & Hugh Willbourn, PhD
Three Rivers Press, New York, New York
ISBN 1-4000-5404-4

Although this book contains some helpful information, I wouldn't go so far as to say that it lived up to the author's claims of being able to "stop the pain of a broken heart in its tracks and bring about lasting improvements..." in my life, anyway. But then, maybe my situation is a bit different from those which Drs. McKenna and Willbourn reported.

That's not to say, however, that it won't work for others. Obviously, all our situations are different; consequently others will be affected or respond to this information much differently. But then, while I want the pain to stop, I'm not willing to stop loving my ex, which is where the good doctors' techniques ultimately lead the reader. Granted, falling out of love is the ultimate goal for many who wish to get over their exes. But at the same time, for many others - such as myself - it is not.

I also found their advice on eliminating jealousy and obsession by utilizing a technique to `white it out' not only rather simplistic, but unrealistic. For some - both men and women - being able to let go of either obsession or jealousy is hardly as easy as pretending that it can be erased. Just like love, jealousy and obsession are two very powerful emotions that take time to work through. This, I would posit, is where the utilization of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), hypnosis, retraining and reframing are, in my humble opinion, more likely to work; along with a good dose of cognitive behavior therapy.

The reference to New Orleans Gestalt therapist, Anne Teachworth's theory, that we learn to relate to significant others based on the relational interactions we observed in our parents, resonated strongly. Although, certainly, there are often other factors involved, but there's no arguing (and quite a few studies in support of the contention) that - for the most part - children learn by emulating what they see and hear. Therefore, it only stands to reason that we are most likely going to carry these learned behaviors with us into adulthood and into our own relationships.

Once again, although the doctors offered some good advice, I was also struck by the fact that an equal amount of advice seemed insensitive and aimed at women while not taking into consideration that women don't think or respond similarly. Case in point: "Your past is your job to deal with. It is not your new partner's job. So rather than foist it on them, work through it with a friend or a therapist." `Foist'? This is the way most men think. It is not, generally, the way women think. Many women, in fact, are usually all too willing to hear about their partner's past issues if their partner is willing to share that part of their life with them. Additionally, in some cases this advice is not feasible, such as when one partner truly has no one else to talk to and is in dire need of talking about a situation that is potentially life-threatening. It appears that chivalry must, most certainly, be dead.

So...how does one mend a broken heart? I never quite reached the point by the end of the book where I felt that my broken heart had been mended by the advice offered. In my opinion, this can only be done by learning to love oneself. Because by loving ourselves we realize that we are deserving of love from others and that we deserve more than a partner who has chosen not to remain in our lives. Only then can one learn to let go of the pain of a broken relationship and go on to truly love another.

And, in case you're wondering...it took reading this book for me to see that I really didn't need anyone to tell me how to let go of the pain of my broken heart. The answer was always within.

The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction
© 2006 Ester & Jerry Hicks
Hay House Publishers, Inc.; Carlsbad, California
ISBN 13: 978-1-4019-1227-7

April 15, 2007

Jacket Blurb: “This book presents the powerful basics of the original Teachings of Abraham. Within these pages, you’ll see how all things, wanted and unwanted, are brought to you by this most powerful Law of the Universe: the Law of Attraction (that which is like unto itself, is drawn). You’ve most likely heard the sayings “Like attracts like,” “Birds of a feather flock together,” or “It is done unto you as you believe” (a belief is only a thought you keep thinking); and although the Law of Attraction has been alluded to by some of the greatest teachers in history, it has never before been explained in as clear and practical terms as in this latest book by best-selling authors Esther and Jerry Hicks.

“Here, you’ll learn about the omnipresent Laws that govern this Universe and how to make them work to your advantage. The knowledge that you’ll absorb from reading this book will take all the guesswork out of living. You’ll finally understand just about everything that’s happening in your own life, as well as the lives of those you’re interacting with. This book will help you joyously be, do or have anything that you desire!”

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Kat’s Book Nook Review

Back in the mid-to-late ‘70s, when I was still a fairly young pup, I tried my hand at wading through the works of existential guru, Carlos Castaneda. Even now, Castaneda is a powerhouse of metaphysical gems of wisdom designed to expand the mind; so I occasionally venture down memory lane and re-read all those tomes of wisdom he produced in an attempt to better understand his thought processes. For the most part, I have been successful. Yet the one thing that I still had a difficult time with until recently, was comprehending Castaneda’s concept of ‘intention.’

What was this mysterious ‘intention,’ to which Castaneda repeatedly referred, and why couldn’t I grasp it?

Finally, after reading the words of Abraham in The Law of Attraction, the meaning became clear: intention is merely the process of creating, or bringing into existence, that which we desire. Simple; yet, for some reason, one of the most difficult things for most of us to comprehend, much less attain. Yet, again, it all boils down to ‘intent.’ When one desires something strongly enough the Universe has no choice but to oblige.

Lately, however, it seems the Law of Attraction on which the recent movie, The Secret, is based, has come under fire. How, postulate many who are either unable or unwilling to see the logic behind this Law, can creating be as simple as the adherents proclaim?

Are the debunkers right? Is this ‘Law’ merely some New Age, woo-woo mumbo jumbo or a bona-fide Law similar to gravity, or possibly something in between?

In all fairness, I have to admit that, I too, wondered how it could be so simple. How could one possibly desire something badly enough to ‘create’ it into existence without, oftentimes, even acting on that desire, other than to think about it? And what about such desires as, say, wanting to fly? Could we manifest an ability that seems to go totally against the physical Laws with which we all must (seemingly) abide? Although I’ve not personally experienced this, what about those who are purported to levitate or bi-locate or miraculously heal themselves or others of terminal diseases? It seems to me that if it is, indeed, possible to do these things, could it not also be possible to fly?

And yet, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that…isn’t that what we do every day? We desire something that to many would seem impossible, we think about having it, and if we think long and hard enough, eventually (if not sooner) we find a way of manifesting whatever it is we so strongly desire into existence. As the saying goes, a house begins as a fleeting thought, then becomes an idea, eventually makes its way to a blueprint, and ultimately finds expression in being ‘manifested’ or constructed out of tangible, material substance. Yet, it began as a mere thought, a desire.

In fact, some of our greatest Teachers and thinkers – from the ancient Sumerians, Egyptians, Hindu, Chinese and Native Americans to Socrates, Plato, Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, Gandhi and Mother Teresa taught some version of ‘thoughts become things.’

Even with all the evidence indicating that humans are capable of achieving feats far greater than even they realize, why have the majority of us believed that either the average person isn’t capable of greatness, or that the greatness which has, historically, been achieved is some fluke?

I suspect that, for the most part, it may be because we, as a conglomerate society, have been taught that only ‘the gods’ are capable of creation. Further, that we must sacrifice all to ‘the gods’ and rely on their good graces (and their whims) in order to experience the benefit of their bounty. Has this not been what has happened throughout the world over the last three- to four-thousand years in the forms of various religions?

Yet, is this really true? Do we really need to worship some elusive Concept of our own (or possibly someone else’s?) imaginative creation in order to reap the benefits we all so richly desire and deserve?

Speaking from a scientific-cum-psychological point of view, my belief is that we certainly ‘reap what we sow.’ If we choose negative thoughts, we will reap a negative outcome. If we are positive in our intent, we reap positive benefits. So, why is this concept so difficult for us to understand or believe?

Who of us doesn’t know at least someone who is so tenacious, relentless and ambitious that they never once listen to the ‘realistic’ advice of friends and family who tell them something can’t possibly be done, but instead follow the beat of their own drummer and end up achieving exactly what they always knew they could achieve while we stood on the sidelines gaping, jealous and in awe.

Individuals such as Hammurabi; Abraham (father of the Jews and Muslims); the Hebrew prophetess, Deborah; Buddha; Cleopatra; Jesus; Michelangelo; Leonard de Vinci; Nikola Tesla; Einstein and many others come to mind. Had they listened to well-wishers who just ‘knew’ that they were following the ‘wrong’ path, the world would be without all the great achievements it has accrued to date.

I fully believe that we are all part of the Collective Unconscious, the One, the All That Is and therefore have access to abilities of which we have, previously, only dreamed. If that is true, then are we not all gods and capable of manifesting anything we so desire?

~ Kat Starwolf
http://www.starwolfastrology.com/

“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe quotes (German Playwright, Poet, Novelist and Dramatist. 1749-1832)